Poor blog, so neglected. I'm really going to try and get better at this, definitely need to for the sake of my mental health. :)

My mind has been racing with thoughts for about the last month. Life's normal stress and anxiety seemed to kind of pile on me, and life left no free time to dig out of the pile. And then I got a phone call telling me that my brother, Joshua, had been found dead. Losing someone you love has a way of putting everything into perspective. The week of the funeral seemed to go in slow-motion; even memories from that week are in slow-motion. And my dear friends who supported me that week.......words will never begin to explain how grateful I am.

All the perspective and slow-motion pushed my inner monologue into overdrive. Being in my head so much allowed me to start working through my grief, but it also has helped me change the way I see people. I tend to see people through my expectations of them, rather than who they really are. And that has worked out pretty well for some people, because my expectations gave them way too much credit. Then other people, who I held unnaturally high expectations for, constantly let me down. No more! My expectations will no longer control how I see people. You are who you are. Period.

So, fair warning to all: I am attempting to rejoin normal society! I still find myself in my head way too much, but I figure just jumping back in be easier in the long run. Yes, I am still that same girl, but my outlook is different and I will not falling back into my normal routines. <3

Memories......

So, I was cleaning my room the other day (shocking, I know) and came across some great stuff. Probably the funniest thing was my diary that I used during high school. Oh wow! I read over it and just laughed......sometimes a bit embarrassed. I know that all of us have changed over the years, but I can't believe I was really that cheesey! I cringed reading some parts! It was a fun stroll down memory lane..........crushes......fights with friends.........family drama.......boys, boys, and more boys............

It got me thinking about that thing your parents tell you when you're a teenager, that "these are the best years of your life" thing. I completely disagree with it, but I will admit that I miss some things and some people. Ten years ago, I could list at least 10 things that I would do differently if I could. Older now (and perhaps a little wiser), I honestly would only change my reactions to things.

Well, hello there!

So, I kinda forgot I had this blog! I really want to keep this thing up, so hopefully I will get better!

One thing that is on my heart today is all the things we put off until tomorrow. All those things that we talk about with that one day mentality. I'm really tired of putting things off. And we're not supposed to! The Bible says that no one knows when the Lord will return and that we are to be working for God's kingdom now, while there's still time. Switchfoot has been in my head: "This is your life. Are you who you wanna be?". I don't know about you, but I'm not very close to who I want to be, if I'm really honest with myself.